so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
