if you like me you must not know who I am
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
