She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
