Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
