No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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