She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
