Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize