you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
