I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
