she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
