I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize