I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
