His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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