Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
