It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
