idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
