You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it was like eating out sand paper
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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