She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
