This girl is more easily done than said...
the condom got lost in my hair
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
