I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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