watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize