Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
