I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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