Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
