So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
