seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
