While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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