he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
