I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
