Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
