My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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