Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
