My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
