Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
