You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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