i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
