since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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