Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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