she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
