We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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