I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
