It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
