Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
