Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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