I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
