You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
