lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
