My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
