Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
