Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
