And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
