I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
high people should be assigned attendants
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
