and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
