I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
