his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
