Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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