Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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