gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
