No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
