my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize