I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
