I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
